I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
