Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
