I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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