I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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