Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
