I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
