Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
