So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
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There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father