I met the friendliest cop last night
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok