remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps