there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...