The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
