i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
