Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
