promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
