Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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