Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
