wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
