You work out of a Hotel?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
