His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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