You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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