I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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