You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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