my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize