And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
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unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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