I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
