So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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