he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
