you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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