the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
