Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
