Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
