I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
