this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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