my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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