Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
