Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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