Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
