He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
