Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
