Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
