New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
