we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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