From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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