maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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