i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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