Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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