He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
