PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
smell my finger.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
