This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
