when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
