I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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