Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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