who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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