I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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