You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
