girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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