"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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