She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize