After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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