I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I CAN MOONWALK!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
